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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394109">How Tony Killed Steve</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkLove_Phyllis/pseuds/StarkLove_Phyllis'>StarkLove_Phyllis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Peter Parker, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Memory Loss, No Dialogue, Not A Happy Ending, Not Canon Compliant, POV Steve Rogers, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, soft steve rogers, soft tony stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:13:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkLove_Phyllis/pseuds/StarkLove_Phyllis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has always known that Tony would kill him. </p>
<p>Admittedly, he had thought that it would come in the form of a repulsor blast. What he wouldn’t give for that to have been true.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How Tony Killed Steve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve has always known that Tony would kill him. </p>
<p>Admittedly, he had thought that it would come in the form of a repulsor blast. What he wouldn’t give for that to have been true.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers their first interaction on the helicarrier. That whole day had been disastrous. They both spewed words laced with venom intended to cut the other down. They were from two different worlds. One was a super soldier created from a serum in a bottle and the other a man in a suit of armor, their only common ground being that both were hung up on the past in some fashion. Tony had been a reminder of the friend that Steve had lost decades ago while he slept on ice, whereas Steve was a constant reminder of everything Tony had never lived up to. Steve couldn’t fathom the idea of working together, let alone getting along.</p>
<p>As the final Chitauri warship fell that day, all Steve could feel was remorse. The man he had very nearly punched hours before had taken a one way ticket without a hint of hesitation. It was an action that even Captain America couldn’t fathom. Closing the portal had crushed Steve for reasons he couldn’t articulate. He remembers feeling the twinge of guilt brewing in his gut, but that was nothing compared to the lurch in his heart when he saw Tony’s suit falling back to the ground. Hearing the other man speak again after a drop from that height had Steve almost wishing he had kissed the genius. </p>
<p>While the lacerations and bruises from the war had healed, Tony hadn’t come out unscathed. The wormhole had instilled fear in the genius that left him with horrific nightmares, that inevitably led to destructive tendencies. Tony, the self sacrificial idiot, clearly needed support. Needed someone who could shoulder some of the burden he felt and lighten his load. Steve didn't hesitate to fill that role for the man who somehow captivated his thoughts. </p>
<p>Steve remembers moving into the tower. There was an unexplainable need for Steve to be closer to Tony, so when the genius offered room and board, Steve jumped at the opportunity. He remained a constant in the man’s life, as a reminder that Tony wasn’t alone and wouldn’t ever be again. When Tony hid in his workshop - oblivious to everything but the blueprints and equations displayed before him - Steve brought him food and water to fuel him for the inevitably long benders. When Iron Man defied orders and risked his life on a mission and wanted to lick his wounds in private, Steve took the brunt of Fury’s incessant rants before ushering Tony to medical where he stayed by his side. And as the genius awoke in the early morning hours riddled with sweat and panicking from the atrocious nightmare that inhabited his mind that day, Steve was there to console him. </p>
<p>The more the super soldier did to chip away at Tony’s walls, the closer the two of them became. It took time. Tony had tried to push him away. Sometimes he used his words, spilling every insult he could imagine. Other times he used force, like a laser shot precariously close as a warning, or a shoulder check in passing. When Tony finally figured out that Steve wasn’t going to walk away, his whole demeanor changed and their relationship blossomed.</p>
<p>Seeing Tony drop his guard around him left Steve even more infatuated with the man. There in the safety of the tower, Steve witnessed all forms of Tony, and each one was appealing. Happy Tony's laugh was contagious. It was loud, merry and so unlike the quiet, humorless laugh he fed the media. Steve never considered himself a comedian but he'd be lying if he said he didn't try to research jokes just to hear Tony let loose. Relaxed Tony was also a hidden treasure only few had the pleasure to see. Steve appreciated the sight of Tony in his tailor-made suits that cost thousands of dollars, but he also loved to see Tony in his loose, worn-out jeans and raggedy tank tops covered in grease stains when he was in his element. Sleepy Tony might have been his favorite though. Steve could never tell if the brunette had just woken up or finally emerged after nights of hard work. Tony would shuffle into a room with his clothes rumpled, his fluffy mop of hair a mess atop his head and his eyes half-lidded, and plop himself next to Steve as he searched out comfort in his tired state. It was an excuse to press his body against Tony's and embrace him, listening to the soft snores he emitted when he finally dozed off. With each day that passed, Steve's feelings became more complicated. What had started as friendly, had quickly veered into attraction, and Steve didn't know how much longer he could resist the magnetic pull he felt between them.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers their first kiss. The urge to kiss Tony had come upon him so suddenly that he was just as surprised as Tony when it came to fruition. The genius had been talking excitedly about his latest technological conquest. His arms had been manically waving to and fro as he spoke, his pride lighting up his smile as he tried to explain his project to Steve in layman's terms. Steve couldn’t tell you what Tony had been talking about - which was upsetting only because he can vividly remember the admiration he felt at seeing the man elatedly describe it - but his attention had been so tuned on memorizing Tony’s gestures and facial expressions it slipped his mind. Tony had been mid-sentence when Steve's lips crashed into his without warning, effectively silencing him. </p>
<p>It had been a hasty but affectionate peck that was over far too sudden, but it had been enough. Steve had been floored by the emotion he had felt from that brief moment and was at a loss of words. He was lost in a trance staring at Tony while his mind reeled in a haze of his racing thoughts, which is why he never saw Tony’s next move coming. Before Steve had a chance to react, Tony had fled the room without a word and locked himself in his workshop, revoking all the access codes Steve knew.</p>
<p>Two weeks. That was how long it took for Tony to come out of hiding. He stayed on lockdown and on the off chance he did need to navigate the tower, he used JARVIS to make sure that Steve was never in the vicinity. When he finally emerged,  it was him who pursued Steve, finding him in the gym in the early morning hours. Steve had halted his assault on the punching bag when he noticed the genius stalking towards him, and braced himself for a lecture or a punch thrown in a blind fit of rage that would have been well deserved, but he couldn’t have prepared himself for what came. Tony launched himself forward and smashed his lips into Steve’s, who toppled over in surprise at the action but never lost his tight grip on the smaller man, as they both fell to the padded mat below. </p>
<p>Steve still remembers their first date. Courting had changed since his time in the ice but he still felt it was right to ask the closest form of family Tony had if he could go steady with the man. That turned out to be wrong, considering how loud Jim Rhodes chuckled over the phone before he hung up without even giving his approval. Still, Steve took the man's laughter as a green light. Days were spent with Steve tearing out his hair trying to devise the perfect date to no avail. Being a billionaire, Tony had already done everything he could have ever wanted, so Steve had to hope the effort he put into planning would be enough.</p>
<p>When the night had come, Steve whisked Tony off on his motorcycle. The feeling of Tony pressed against him, clutching tightly to his shirt, still vividly ingrained in his mind. They raced over the Brooklyn Bridge - just enjoying the feeling of the wind whipping through their clothes - until Steve parked his bike at a small, family-owned pizza shop. Taking their food with them, they had walked hand in hand to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade where they sat and ate, watching the twinkling lights of the sprawling New York City landscape. It was probably the cheapest date Tony had ever been on, but it was all Steve had wanted, him and Tony laughing and snuggling for warmth under the starry sky. </p>
<p>As they rode back to the tower, Steve had taken the scenic route home, content to have just a few more minutes of Tony all to himself. He had been so worried that Tony was severely disappointed by their date, but as they entered the elevator upon their return, the brunette’s face was filled with a huge smile that made Steve warm all over. Tony had confessed that his past romantic partners had never taken him on a date – relying on the billionaire himself to pay and plan everything – and that had been his first <i>real</i> date. As they reached the penthouse floor where he was dropping Tony off, and they shared a soft sensual kiss complete with exploring tongues that seemed to last for hours, Steve knew he wanted to give Tony so many more firsts.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers the first time they consummated their relationship. They had been lazily strewn on the couch, their limbs intertwined as some movie played in the background. He hadn’t been paying attention, too focused on the sensation of Tony sucking marks into his neck, while he whispered a litany of praises into Tony's ear. Steve couldn’t get over how lucky he was to have this man as his own, how beautiful Tony was and how he wanted him for the rest of his life. Tony’s distraction had proven effective because Steve had been muttering his heart's musings aloud instead of thinking it, which he realized when Tony sat upright with unshed tears in his ears. </p>
<p>He had sat up to comfort Tony, afraid that he had said too much and scared him off. Tony didn’t run though, choosing to stay and straddle him on the couch, attacking his mouth in a bruising kiss instead. It had been all fire and passion – teeth clacking and nips at the other’s lips – that electrified Steve’s whole body. Their clothes had been strewn and thrown haphazardly around the room in their haste to caress every patch of skin they could get their hands on. The feeling of Tony's skin against his own had ignited a primal urge to have his way with Tony, and he had. It had felt like every one of Steve’s senses were dialed to eleven as Tony writhed on his lap, panting and pulsing with every thrust. It was rough and fast and so unlike anything they had done before, fueled by the fire raging within them. Seeing Tony ride out his ecstasy had sent Steve over the edge until they both sat there clinging to each other as they worked to catch their breaths.</p>
<p>The sunlight filtering through the floor to ceiling windows woke Steve from his slumber the following morning, as he laid in a tangled mess of sheets, where he found himself wrapped around Tony in his massive bed. For the first time in his life, Steve didn’t feel the need to rise at the crack of dawn, instead choosing to pepper gentle kisses across the brunette’s face. Tony was groggy and pliant as Steve ran his hands over the man’s tanned skin and they lost themselves in languid lovemaking. There was no rush to their movements or lingering heat from the night before, just a steady build to pleasure that left them sated and disheveled in bed for the rest of the day. </p>
<p>Steve still remembers the first time he said I love you. He knew he'd been pining for Tony since the battle of New York, and there was no mistaking that what he felt towards the man was pure unadulterated love. That phrase was always on the tip of his tongue threatening to spill out, but he kept his lips sealed and bid his time. Tony needed to say it first, come to the conclusion on his own, so that Steve knew he wasn't rushing him or moving too fast. The longer he waited in anticipation though, Steve became more nervous that Tony didn't feel the same way. </p>
<p>Tony had been in Japan for over two weeks working with Pepper to broker a deal for Stark-Fujikawa and Steve was losing his mind without him around. He hadn't realized how utterly enamored he was by Tony until he was forced to go without him and realized he didn't like his life without his little genius around. They talked on the phone whenever they could, but it seemed like luck wasn't on their side, as each time they connected Pepper came to reel Tony back into negotiations, Fury urgently needed to speak to Steve about a possible HYDRA mission or the time difference simply meant the other was asleep. Steve knew he was being dramatic, but it had felt like they were living two separate lives.</p>
<p>It was just after dinner when Steve had settled onto the couch to hopefully finish the sketch he had been currently working on of Tony. He had just thrown his headphones on to drown out the silence surrounding him with music when his phone rang. Tony was calling, and while Steve was ecstatic to hear his voice, it was also a reminder of how far apart they were at that moment. Once the call had connected to his headphones, the two of them caught up on each other's days. Hearing Tony laugh had reminded Steve of the smile lines around Tony's eyes and the one dimple that always appeared, and he grinned as he began to incorporate his lucid memory to paper. That was when Tony said it, said those three words over the phone with so much emotion behind them that Steve's breath faltered and the pencil he had been using snapped in half. </p>
<p>Steve could have sworn he sat there for years stiff as a board and silent, but it had only been seconds before he felt his earbuds being removed. When he turned to find the intruder, he found Tony instead, beaming at him with that smile he had missed so much. Steve had been up and over the couch to scoop Tony into his arms in an instant - plastering kisses across his face as he rambled off a form of missed you's in between - before Tony had zapped him back to the present by softly chiding him about not saying it back. It had taken Steve far longer than he was proud of to realize what Tony was even talking about before his brain registered the I love you that Tony had dropped only minutes before. Steve wasted no time returning the phrase, mumbling it hundreds of times into the crook of Tony's neck where his face was buried. It was like Tony had opened the flood gates and Steve couldn't stop saying it now that he was able to do so freely. He had waited so long to tell Tony that he knew at that moment that he wouldn't go one day without telling Tony how much he loved him from there on out.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers when he proposed. He had been holding on to the band for weeks trying to find the perfect moment to ask Tony to be his. No moment ever seemed right and the longer he held on to the small jewelry box, the more pressure he felt at getting it right. There was no doubt that Tony was his endgame. No one else would ever compare to the genius, and the feelings he ignited in Steve was just a constant reminder.</p>
<p>When it came down to it, the right moment had been before a huge gala they were attending for the September Foundation. Tony had been fixing his suit in the mirror and grumbling to himself in what appeared to be frustration. Steve had thought it might have been nerves, but when he embraced the smaller man to ask, the answer surprised him. His shirt had been pulled to the side to reveal a large love bite that Steve had left days ago, perfectly concealed under his attire. Tony had been frustrated that Steve could lay a claim to him that told the world he was taken, but Tony would never be able to return the favor. Steve had never hated the serum coursing through his veins more than at that moment.</p>
<p>Lowering to one knee, Steve had asked Tony to marry him there in the penthouse bathroom. If Tony wanted to claim him and make his mark, there would be nothing better than a ring on his left hand to solidify their love. It was a promise to be Tony’s, forever and always. There was a sobbed yes heard from above as Steve released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. That night they showed up two hours late to the event – after cleaning up the tear tracks littered down their faces and a hasty escapade that resulted in both of them needing a change of attire – and spent the evening sharing the news with the rest of their friends in attendance.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers their first fight. The team had been separated in their quest to keep the remaining infinity stones out of Thanos’ reach. The man had been bigger, stronger and more conniving in his drive to attain the stones and in the end, the Avengers had failed. With his gauntlet completed, Steve and the rest of them had no choice but to fight the mad titan that held the power of the universe in his hand with everything they had. By the time Thor’s ax had severed Thanos’ head and the dust had settled, the team was bruised, beaten and bloody. </p>
<p>While none of them were unharmed, Steve’s focus was on Tony who had been stabbed in the ensuing chaos. He had used the Iron Man suit to stop the bleeding, but now that the adrenaline was wearing off, Steve could see the pain and fatigue setting in. Steve had been alarmed and set out to rush him to medical, only to be shocked when Tony had brushed him off and hobbled off on his own. As they sat in the medical ward of the tower, Steve sensed the agitation rolling off of Tony as Dr. Cho tended to his wounds. </p>
<p>When the doctor left the room, the first thing Tony said to Steve was that he couldn’t marry him, which threw Steve for a loop. Tony was shouting hysterically, trying to stifle back sobs as he said anything to get Steve to leave his side. As the yelling ceased and only tears remained, Tony’s outburst came down to one fear, and Steve didn’t know how to fix it. The close call out on the field had only served as a reminder that Tony was just a man, and an older one at that. No serum would change the fact that Tony would continue to age and deteriorate until he died, leaving Steve alone in the world again. Tony’s death was a given, not a question, and Tony didn’t want to marry Steve, who would never physically age, because a day would come when he would be widowed. Steve did the only thing that ever worked at shutting up the blabbering genius, and kissed him, assuring him that a life with Tony Stark was better than one without, no matter how short it was.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers their wedding. They didn’t want the paparazzi, media or some villain to ruin their special day so the details had been kept under wraps. It was a small affair, only about fifty of their closest friends, at a private mansion in California that they rented out for the event. Their handmade fitted suits were a deep black, adorned with a red tie with gold accents, representing both of their colors. And as Colonel Rhodes walked Tony down the aisle, Steve was pretty sure his perfect heart skipped a beat.</p>
<p>As the ceremony ended, Steve and Tony had met in a bedroom before heading to the reception and exchanged their vows. Steve had known that Tony wasn’t willing to be vulnerable in front of a crowd and happily accepted the middle ground, which turned out to be more beautiful than he could have ever imagined. Tony had promised to love him with the same passion that he put into his projects, to spend the rest of his life enjoying the moments with Steve instead of losing them in the workshop and to love him fiercely until his dying breath. The love pouring from his husband - God, he would never stop saying that - was overwhelming. Steve’s vows were simple and to the point, promising what he knew he could provide and quelling any reservations Tony had ever expressed. He promised to always protect him from harm and stand with him against his troubles, to share in the celebration of his triumphs and love him all the more for his failures and to love him faithfully and unconditionally through difficult and easy times, for as long as they both shall live.</p>
<p>After an impromptu make-out session following their emotional declarations of love, they had made their way to the reception where they were greeted by those they loved. A few tears were shed when Jim and Bucky gave their best man speeches, but for the most part the evening was spent with laughter filtering through the air, good food in their bellies and a charming ocean breeze. As they gathered on the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple, some sappy ballad played as they slow danced under the twinkling fluorescent lights. Tony's head laid against Steve's broad chest and his arms wrapped around his waist as they twirled around in a world of their own, oblivious to the onlookers and focused solely on each other. Steve knew he would never forget the feeling of Tony's warm body pressed against him and the chill of the air as they spent the rest of the evening floating on cloud nine.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers starting their family. Tony had been watching an overabundance of cheesy romantic comedies and a creepy amount of time fondly ogling families that they passed on the streets. They had never talked about children or starting a family, but Steve could tell it must be on Tony's mind. He never would have taken his husband as a family man - assuming he was content with his bots and A.I.'s - but Tony was always surprising him in the best ways. Steve waited for Tony to bring the issue up himself which happened to take a lot longer than he expected. He had hinted towards it and threw out generalized statements a few times, but Steve never took the bait, wanting Tony to ask for what he desired and know that Steve would provide. It took weeks of Steve feigning ignorance at Tony's hints before his husband finally blurted the question out as they were driving home from dinner. He wanted a baby, a bundle of joy that he could raise with Steve.</p>
<p>That conversation is how they ended up at an adoption agency looking over the available infants. They had only visited with two other kids before the third in line had stolen Tony's heart. His name was Peter and he was a six-month-old, fair-skinned brunette with piercing blue eyes that happily babbled at the both of them. The woman that had been giving them the tour tried to usher them along, but Tony's mind was made up and Steve couldn't blame him. Peter was the perfect mixture of the both of them, and from the photos Steve had seen of Tony's childhood, looked eerily similar to the man. It took a few painstaking weeks to finalize the paperwork and prep the tower, but before the last signature had even dried, Steve and Tony were taking home their bouncing baby boy.</p>
<p>It had become apparent very early on that trying to separate Tony and Peter was never a good idea. They were inseparable the minute Peter had entered the tower. Tony would spend all day cooing at the child who never left his arms and gladly woke up in the middle of the night at the barest hint of a cry. As Peter aged, their hands-on approach to parenting didn't change, but their lives did. It was like a flip had been switched and there were no longer all-nighters in the workshop, excessive working hours or a million meetings held by SHIELD. Steve and Tony remained Avengers, but they were reserved for world-ending wars instead of spending time dealing with an untrained villain that Natasha could take down in her sleep. Their lives had become about each other and nothing else, and Steve didn't think he could get any happier.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers their tenth anniversary. They had been woken up in bed by Peter's bouncing when all they had wanted was five more minutes, but they couldn't say no to those bambi eyes. Peter had his Uncle Rhodey help him prepare breakfast to serve Steve and Tony in bed, which was adorable, but the two were baffled as to why he would do such a thing. They had gone pretty much the whole day just assuming they were amazing parents and were worthy, as Thor had so graciously said, until the oven dinged and minutes later Peter had brought out a cake with the words happy anniversary spelled out in red and gold icing. Steve had hoped that Tony's bewildered face meant that he had forgotten also and wasn't just upset Steve had.</p>
<p>Rhodes agreed to babysit that night which left them no room to <i>not</i> do something. Not to be outdone by their eight-year-old son, Tony had gotten them reservations at Eleven Madison Park for that night. It wasn't a place Steve would have normally gone to - ever - but the restaurant was famously known for having a long waiting list, so if Tony wanted to eat there, Steve would suck it up. They both had to dress to the nines if they wanted to even step into the fine dining establishment, which had left Steve feeling even more uncomfortable, and his movements constricted in the suit he wore. Their table had been tucked away in a quiet corner of the bustling restaurant, and as Steve looked over the menu, he imagined his eyes bulged out like in the cartoons. When the waitress had come to collect their orders, Tony must have seen the panic on Steve's face and felt compelled to rescue him from his inevitable embarrassment, because as he was racing to find the cheapest item that would be considered filling for a super soldier, Tony chimed in and asked if they had cheeseburgers. The scoff that seemed to echo through the room was answer enough and Tony had grabbed Steve's hand and drug him out to their waiting car, politely asking Happy to step on it to the closest burger joint he could find.</p>
<p>The whole day had so far been a chaotic mess, but that night had been the best anniversary Steve could remember. They had pulled up to some run-down diner and ordered enough burgers for an army before getting back into the town car and having Happy just aimlessly drive around. In the backseat of that car with the tinted windows, Steve and Tony stuffed their faces with greasy goodness they usually didn't allow themselves to indulge in, recounted stories from their first few years of marriage that had them laughing so hard their eyes watered and they rolled around in the backseat like a couple of horny teenagers. As they finally made their way back towards the tower and Tony was slumped against Steve's side, the brunette's head resting on his shoulder, Steve knew that this was an anniversary he would never forget in a million years.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers the first time he noticed the blank stare. They had been at SHIELD headquarters debriefing after their latest mission. Fury was ranting about Natasha's widow bites, questioning why her taser disks had failed to activate, and Tony was feeding a huge helping of his signature eye roll. It was so normal, just like every other debriefing, that the sudden halt in conversation was jarring. Tony was midway through his technical explanation of how the widow bites operated when he just froze. His mouth opened and closed but no words came out, and his eyes looked glazed over and blank as if he had just clocked out. When he seemed to reawaken, Steve noticed confusion take over Tony's features before his eyes rapidly darted around the room landing on Steve, who could tell his husband was panicking. Almost as soon as the moment had begun though, it was over. Tony finished his spiel right where he had left off and with his usual witty charm like he hadn’t just glitched out moments earlier.</p>
<p>By the time the meeting had ended, Steve could still only think about the short-lived hysterics the genius exhibited. Tony was always so composed and the sight of him stock-still, like a deer caught in headlights, had been enough to make Steve’s stomach twist. As they made their way home and were free from prying ears, Steve asked what happened as nonchalantly as possible. There was no use making a big deal out of it if Tony’s mind had simply been running a million calculations at that moment, which is why it came as no surprise when Tony had merely brushed it off as nothing serious.</p>
<p>The slip-ups only got worse though the more Steve focused on it. They were always small details, nothing serious, but Tony wasn’t known for being average, and these were things that Tony knew. He forgot the name of one of the Stark Industries board members when he was on the phone with Pepper, who seemed to take the slip-up as his usual snark and not a mistake, because Tony didn't make those. When he talked about his latest projects he would forget the correct verbiage until JARVIS helped him out, which usually ended up with Tony threatening to give him a virus. Tony couldn’t seem to remember which Mark version of the Iron Man suit he was on, which might have been the most alarming to Steve considering the suit was his greatest accomplishment and first love. The more occurrences Steve noticed, the more worried he became, until he and Tony made a doctor's appointment. </p>
<p>Steve still remembers the ensuing breakdown. Tony had feared many things in his life, but the diagnosis was a nightmare that neither Steve nor Tony could have fathomed. For the first time in their lives, Steve didn’t have a plan and Tony couldn’t fix something. Not only would the early-onset Alzheimer’s ravage Tony’s beautiful mind, but they learned the disease was far more aggressive and much less forgiving in its wage to consume the host. </p>
<p>The deafening silence that followed them home was dreadful, a reminder of how out of his depth Steve truly was. It was nothing compared to what unfolded in the comfort of their home though. Tony had barely made it out of the elevator before he collapsed and released the most heartbreaking sob that had Steve’s gut-wrenching. All Steve could do was hold his husband while he broke. There were no words that would have calmed Tony’s panic, no pill he could have taken to absolve it and no action they could have taken to overturn the diagnosis.</p>
<p>What use is a genius without his intellect? What does an engineer do if he cannot create? Steve’s not sure how long they sat huddled together on the floor listening to Tony ask the questions he had no answers for between his labored breaths as he continued to cry. Promises were all Steve had to offer. He reminded his husband of their vows. There was no assurance that they would beat it, without a cure Steve knew they couldn't. He could only guarantee that Tony would never face it alone. Steve would stay by his side until the end of the line, no matter the obstacles that would arise. And while he didn’t voice it, Steve was frightened that for once their love wouldn’t conquer all, that he wouldn’t be enough to support Tony, that he couldn’t keep his promises.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers the phone call that brought him to tears. The Alzheimer’s had been a painstaking battle in their lives. Tony seemed to forget more and more, and with that came frustration. Steve tried to help, to be the shoulder Tony could lean on, but each time he tried to assist, Tony lashed out and became volatile. It was understandable, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less. </p>
<p>Peter and Steve had been at the high school where Peter was entering his project into the science fair. His project was a study of the use of multi-frequency acoustics to improve production in oil and gas wells, something Tony and him had spent weeks working on. Steve had been listening to Peter’s breakdown of their research when his phone rang and Tony’s picture popped up on the screen. He had answered, expecting to find out if Tony had arrived, only to be met with a frantic ramble from his husband. Tony was lost.</p>
<p>Tony had been driving to the high school when one of his episodes had occurred. Now, Steve’s husband was pulled over on a road somewhere in New York, lost and afraid. Steve remembers hearing horns blaring and the sounds of traffic whizzing by through the phone, but Tony was in no state to provide a location, and Steve wasn’t sure he could even if he had tried. The thought of Tony being all alone with no situational awareness brought Steve to tears. With a heavy heart, Steve excused himself and Peter from the science fair to find Tony, who they located using the cell phone's GPS. Peter stayed on the line with Tony as they drove and Steve could tell his husband was trying to desperately keep it together so their son wouldn’t be upset. The man cracked a few jokes but each one fell short as the gravity of the situation was heard in his tone.  </p>
<p>JARVIS had informed Steve that the fastest route to Tony would be on foot as it appeared traffic wasn’t moving, so Steve parked and huffed the rest of the way with Peter in tow. The scene was worse than anything Steve could have imagined. Tony’s ostentatious car was at a complete stop in the middle of a busy street. There were cars at a standstill on all sides and an angry group of pedestrians screaming at his husband, who looked so small at that moment. One or two kind citizens were trying to help Tony and get him out of the street but it was like his feet were glued to the pavement. Steve didn’t waste any time rushing to the brunette and enveloping him in his arms, ignoring the vehement shouting surrounding them. All that mattered at that moment was that his husband and son - <i>his world</i> - was safe.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers his son’s heartbreaking sobs. Tony had been declining slowly but steadily and because of that, had lost a lot of his freedom. He was no longer allowed to leave the tower without someone accompanying him, Happy had to drive him everywhere, he could no longer attend galas or deliver speeches and he couldn’t pilot the Iron Man suit. Even with those rules in place, incidents happened every so often because Tony couldn’t remember that he was supposed to follow them. All the things that had made up Tony Stark were dissipating with every passing day until his family was the only constant left. Happiness was in short demand those days and it felt like someone was constantly pulling the rug out from underneath all of them.</p>
<p>The morning had started like any other. Steve was up early making breakfast for his family when Tony sauntered into the kitchen and wrapped him in a hug, humming a quick good morning. It was such a small moment of tenderness but it was something Steve always found himself looking forward to, a reminder that the man he had married was still there. They had been exchanging lazy kisses, still locked in an embrace when Peter had shuffled into the kitchen rubbing sleep from his eyes. Steve felt Tony’s body stiffen against his. He went to tighten his grip on the smaller man when Tony had blurted out the question asking who the kid was, and Steve’s arms fell to his side in defeat.</p>
<p>Peter and Steve didn't move as Tony eyed their son suspiciously, the same boy he had tucked in last night. And who do you comfort first, when your husband is standing there pleading with his eyes for you to help him understand and your son's eyes are brimming with tears as he tries to pretend he isn’t hurt by his father forgetting the last fifteen years of his life? Steve spent an hour trying to convince Tony that the boy in front of him was his son to no avail, because Tony believed wholeheartedly that he would never forget his kid if he had one, which had resulted in Peter fleeing the room wailing. It had taken time to calm the boy down enough so that Steve could explain how it was the disease talking and not Tony, but the damage had already been dealt. Peter would never forget the moment his dad didn’t know who he was, and Steve didn’t know how to be strong enough for his son and husband moving forward.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers the day Tony forgot who he was. He had been exhausted trying to manage Tony’s day to day, raising Peter and handling paperwork SHIELD threw at him. Captain America had been given up long ago when he was too afraid to leave Tony alone, and his entire day became filling in blanks for his husband. The one thing Steve held on to was being a safe haven for Tony, even though he knew that would inevitably end too. </p>
<p>As dreams of their past kept Steve lulled to sleep, he was brutally awoken by a fist connecting with his nose and a cry of alarm. He had bolted awake to find his husband crouched in a corner nursing his hand to his chest. His first instinct was always to protect Tony, but when he tried to approach him, his husband had let out a snarled warning. Tony didn’t recognize him and didn’t know where he was. Steve had known this day would come, he had just never considered what he’d do when that moment came. </p>
<p>There was no one to call that would be able to calm Tony down, except maybe Rhodey, but he had been with the Avengers on a mission. It was possible that he would have remembered one of the others, but trying to play guess who with a frightened man at that ungodly hour had seemed like a terrible idea. JARVIS had spoken before Steve even reacted and to his surprise, Tony was relieved to hear his old friend. Tony had been looking for his human butler JARVIS, but by the time the A.I. explained how he had come to be, Tony had calmed down enough to trust JARVIS to bridge the gaps in his memory for him. While Tony's panic had subsided enough to be in the same room with Steve, he didn’t leave any chance to get near him. That night, Steve slept in a spare bedroom at Tony’s request and cried himself to sleep, wondering how many more of those nights he’d have to face.</p>
<p>Steve still remembers watching his husband deteriorate before his own eyes. Dr. Cho had told him that late stages of the disease would impair Tony's basic motor skills, but it was another thing entirely to see it happen in real time. It was devastating to watch Tony - who had been a superhero for crying out loud - become entirely dependent on those around him. </p>
<p>It had started small, with Tony complaining of stiff muscles. Steve would massage the affected areas but it never seemed to improve. He gradually became more and more unsteady on his own two legs. As he walked around the tower, Tony dragged his feet like they were made of lead and his legs barely supported them. The more movement he did during the day, the more Tony complained of how exhausted he was, which is when Steve felt the gravity of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks. In all the years he had known Tony, not once had he ever admitted to being tired. As his muscles weakened, Steve found Tony opting to sit a lot more, which only aided in the waning of what little strength he had left, until he couldn't even stand on his own.</p>
<p>His coordination went next. Numerous meals turned into frustrated tantrums as Tony struggled to keep food on his utensils, and an even harder time bringing it to his mouth. Steve had to plan their meals accordingly, which meant sustenance like soup and coffee had been the first to go because Steve was terrified Tony would burn himself. Eventually, most items were crossed off the list of approved cuisine because his husband couldn't gather them on the plate or properly feed himself. Tony's blunders grew, rendering him useless to carry out even the most meager tasks. Steve had to assist him in brushing his teeth, managing his hair and shaving while his husband pouted like the toddler he had been reduced to. Even though they both knew what was happening, Tony never verbally acknowledged his body's decline besides his groans of protest, and Steve never voiced his concerns as the last few remnants of Tony perished.</p>
<p>Steve remembers it all, even the parts he wishes to forget. The only problem is that no one else does. Most of Steve's reawakening from the ice had involved Tony, and the one person he had shared so many firsts with, didn't remember their first kiss, their wedding, or him. He is the only person keeping a record of their time and the short amount they have left.</p>
<p>There are no good days anymore. The disease has ravaged Tony beyond recognition. He is no longer his Tony, the man he fell desperately in love with. Communication has all but ceased and what does come out of Tony's mouth, Steve can't understand except for a word or two. A wheelchair has become his only source of movement, which he has to be strapped into since he can no longer properly hold himself up. He needs help eating, dressing and using the restroom. The doctors tell Steve that it's only a matter of time before he'll lose the ability to swallow or control his bladder, unless an infection kills him first. </p>
<p>The world has become a darker place without Tony contributing to it. There are no new inventions changing people's lives, no suit of armor protecting the world and there's no longer a doting husband and father spreading cheer throughout their days. His family is trying to step up and attempt to fill the void that Tony is leaving behind, but it's not the same. </p>
<p>Peter will be taking over Stark Industries at twenty-one years old, the same age Tony was when he took control of the company. He's smart, nearly evenly matched to Tony's intellect. Steve knows his husband would be proud. Their son moved out at eighteen with his best friend. It made more sense for him to live in the tower, but Steve doesn't hold the decision against him. Peter tried to visit every weekend, which had turned into once a month, before he only met with Steve outside of the tower for lunch or dinner. Now, the only time he talks to Tony is on the phone. Seeing his father slowly decaying was just too hard. </p>
<p>Pepper, the angel she is, has been training Peter for over a year on the ins and outs of being CEO so she can retire. It would be well deserved after all she did for Tony after his diagnosis. She went to bat for the genius against the media and the board to keep him actively involved in his work for as long as he could. And when he could no longer manage, she shared heartfelt stories with the media about the man he was, reminding others he was so much more than his ingenious mind or skillful hands.</p>
<p>Colonel Rhodes took Iron Man's spot on the Avengers, but they disbanded about a year ago, letting the younger generation of superheroes take over. The team all visited Tony after he was diagnosed, but they came less and less the more Tony's health declined, stating it was too difficult to see their friend in such a state. Now a days, Rhodes is the only one who consistently drops by. Sometimes he just sits in silence with Tony, smiling fondly at his best friend. Other times, Steve catches him regaling stories from their MIT days, and although he tries to hide it, Steve can hear the pain in his voice. Bruce stopped showing up when the sight of Tony almost brought the Hulk out. He had worked for years on a cure with world-renowned doctors and scientists, but none of their prototypes garnered positive results. As a desperate last attempt, Thor had even asked Loki for help, but that too hadn't worked. It seemed Alzheimer's had no natural enemy. </p>
<p>Now, its just Steve and Tony. It's kind of poetic in a tragic way. Their story had started with the two of them and it would end the same way. He still loves him. Sometimes, he wishes he didn't, then maybe this whole experience wouldn't hurt as much. Every single day Steve tells Tony stories about their time together, updates him on Peter, tells him what Rhodey and Pepper are up to and declares his love for him all over again. It's the same speech each time and it never gets any easier, and Tony never acknowledges him with a response, although sometimes Steve imagines a glint in Tony's eyes that gives him hope that some of what he's saying is getting through. </p>
<p>Part of him wishes that Tony had hit him with a repulsor blast on the helicarrier all those years ago, finished him off before they started the whirlwind that had been their life. Tony may not be dead yet, but he might as well be, and Steve doesn't know what to do with that revelation. How is he supposed to live in a world without Tony? Without his other half? He isn't sure he can. Steve can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. His world view now is too shrouded in shadows. </p>
<p>Because the truth is, Alzheimer's <i>will</i> take Tony one day, but it's Steve who has been dead for years. Tony slowly strangled the life out of him with each year he suffered, until Steve's soul crumbled to ash within him. The serum keeps him alive against his own will, keeps his heart pumping and keeps his vitals functioning properly. Looking at Tony now though - slumped in his wheelchair in front of the television that's playing some daytime talk show rerun - Steve knows they are still connected by one fact, that they may both still be breathing, but they sure as hell aren't alive.</p>
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